i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
