Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
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