i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
