Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Randomize
