careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Randomize
