i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
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