The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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