I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
