you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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