Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
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