I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
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