I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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