the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
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