Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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