So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
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