were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
