i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
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