Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
