he wants to bone in the snuggie
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
two words...techno handjob
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
