I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
