I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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