I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize