why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Randomize
