i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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