Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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