My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
