please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
