I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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