So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
Randomize
