Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
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