My vagina just recognized that song.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Randomize
