Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Randomize
