Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
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