he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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