I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Randomize
