hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
