when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
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