I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
