Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
