You're a womanizer and a bitch.
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
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