i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Randomize
