We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
True college students do jello shots in the library
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
