i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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