I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Randomize
