to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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