Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
