All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
