I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
