Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize