There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
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