some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize