just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Randomize
