i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Randomize
