I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
