Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
