If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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