So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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