i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Randomize
