They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
