You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
