Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Randomize
