I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Randomize
