Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
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