so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
