the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
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