I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize