my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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