So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
