If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
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