so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
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