Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
