I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Randomize
