I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Randomize