My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
Randomize
