peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
