You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
