Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
A+ Viking dick
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Randomize
