he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
