I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
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