ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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