I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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