Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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