please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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