just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
