Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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