Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
