The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Randomize
