So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Randomize
