She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize