I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
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