Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Randomize
