You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Randomize
