just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize