Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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