when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
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