FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Randomize
