is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
