I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Randomize
