I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Randomize