wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
