plz talk dirty to me
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
