I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Randomize
