So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
