She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
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