I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
