2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
