You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Randomize
